Category Archives: Cricket

Unlikely Things to Hear in a Cricket Commentry

“In earlier over, you witnessed that there was a minor tiff between the bowler and batsman. Now, the good news is that they have both decided to sort their differences, but the bad news is that they have decided to do so by the medium of a duel.”

“Rahul Dravid is still on 14 not out, before he moves to 15, I will tell you recipes for chocolate chip cookies, and a vegetarian lasagnia.”

“……so where were we? Yes! You were saying that your grandpa could hit a six which would be two miles long. Well, take it you moron, my grandpa, once hit a six that landed in a totally different city.”

“Actually what happened was that batsman first said BLEEP, then bowler replied and said BLEEP, then wicketkeeper intervened with BLEEP BLEEP, but the BLEEEP umpire did nothing. By this time it was BLEEEP to BLEEEP was BLEEEEP is to BLEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP”

“Important announcement: Shoaib has just started his run-up from our launch station situated 2 miles away. Batsmen and fielders should be at their positions in 15 minutes”

“Victory of Xinghala tribe over Australian team has once again proven that bats made out human bones are better than willow.”

“One team will win, one team will lose, or it will be a tie. Who cares, its all shite anyways? Lets talk about better things in life, like me and kathy……”

“Winner of the world cup final will be decided by popular vote. If you think Team India should win then text 7774, and if you think Team Australia should win then text 7733.”

“Playing with a grenade in place of cricket ball, has made this game even more exciting.”

[I think it is Anuradha who had asked me to do this one long time back. Since I am undergoing a severe bout of insomnia tonight, and a bit clogged in my head, here it is, my generosity towards my readers. Anybody else wants to read anything else. Let me know! :)]

On Shoe Throwing and Uncle M.

George Bush

P. Chidambram

Manmohan Singh

L.K. Advani

oh wait…

my friend  Patroclus (name changed, obviously), who had a shoe thrown at him by a classmate girl. (really!)

Wow, the list is increasing…Protest and Disagreement have a new form of expression, and I cannot imagine anybody more happy than my uncle M. Having conceptualized this idea of ‘shoe-throwing as a path to political reform’ late when I was still a kid, I am pretty sure, uncle M would have been the first one to execute it on a big stage, had somebody put him in the big stage in first place, maybe with a journalism tag or something.

Any political rally on TV screen, and after every promise of reform by the political leader, M would say, “Chappal maro saale ko! Kuch nahin karega elect hone ke baad” [which kind of translates to ‘He is not gonna do anything after he gets elected, so hit my brother in law him with slippers’]. M’s idea of worn out, torn out shoes to a massive social reform was not limited to his political discontent. Back when Indian cricket team was playing really bad, his solution was not change the captain or coach, but instead, “Saale har ek ko 100-100 chappal maaro, and phir field pe utaro” [Hit each player with slippers 100 times and then send them to play on field].

I heard M repeat these statements everywhere in every possible scenario; If the movie is bad, shoes should be thrown at director/actor (not the actress, no way!), If there is a traffic jam, shoes should be thrown at the head of Police dept., If kid in the neighborhood was bitten by stray dog, shoes should be thrown at the dog and Maneka Gandhi. While watching the movie, he even thought that throwing shoes at King Kong was going to work.

[PS: While writing this post, I had assumed that he would be the happiest guy after all this shoe throwing thing catching up big times in protest circles, but while talking to my cousin (M’s son), I came to know his reaction on the famous/infamous Iraqi journlist Muntather Zaidi, and here is the twister in tale, he said, “Saale ko chappal maro! Amerikkan rashtrapati pe joota penkh raha hain!” (Hit him(Zaidi) with slippers, (how dare) he  is throwing shoes at American President)]

Gilchrist should have kissed Rakhi Sawant and …

 

If Gilchrist wanted people to buy his book and then read it, I think he should have kissed Rakhi Sawant, or endorsed Raj Thackeray, or said that he was schizophrenic (with his wicketkeeper and batsman personalities separate) and then devoted a chapter to the incident. But if he wanted people to buy his book and then burn it on streets, then in that case calling Sachin a ‘Bad Sport’ or ‘Sore Loser’ is a nice move too!

 

Though Gilchrist today said that he was misrepresented by media and for the time being, I will chose Gilchrist over present-day-24 X 7-ranting-gone crazy-no ethics-ready-to-publish-anything news channels. Anyways he said that he is going to explain his stand in his column over the weekend. Skeptics might find it as cheap publicity stunt for promoting the column!

 

Anyways, I do believe in freedom of expression and freedom to form opinions. I am also a believer that Sachin is not God (so many scores in nineties! I mean com’on God would love to get 100s). But among all this conundrum of gilCHRIST vs SACHin, I think unavailability for a handshake in dressing room (that’s after on-field after-game hand shake) does not really mean you are a sore loser. I mean, com’on, you have played for five days, you do need to take shower. You can’t just wait for other team to walk into your dressing room and shake hands. (lame excuse! Really lame! I know!)

 

Regarding Monkeygate Scandal, firstly I hate to call every scandal _________gate scandal, secondly I highly doubt that a Sardar Indian player would call somebody a ‘monkey’ when his temper is sky high! According to a survey, swearing in native tongue is far more calming than using a phoren language. (Don’t ask me the source of data, I conducted the survey today only with 5 of my friends!). So if Sachin said he did not hear anything on field and than told truth in testimony (which Gilchrist will have no idea as it was a closed door hearing),  and stood by his teammate, then in my opinion this does not count as Bad Sport. If that’s Bad sport, then  what do you call, every false appeal where Gilly abetted Ricky Ponting, and every sledging incident where he supported McGrath.

 

I have high respect for both Sachin and Gilchrist, and I just hope that media turns out to be sinner in this whole incident. 

And I am very sorry for the cheap, incorrect, publicity seeking title to this post.

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