Monthly Archives: January 2010

Unlikely Things to Hear in a Cricket Commentry

“In earlier over, you witnessed that there was a minor tiff between the bowler and batsman. Now, the good news is that they have both decided to sort their differences, but the bad news is that they have decided to do so by the medium of a duel.”

“Rahul Dravid is still on 14 not out, before he moves to 15, I will tell you recipes for chocolate chip cookies, and a vegetarian lasagnia.”

“……so where were we? Yes! You were saying that your grandpa could hit a six which would be two miles long. Well, take it you moron, my grandpa, once hit a six that landed in a totally different city.”

“Actually what happened was that batsman first said BLEEP, then bowler replied and said BLEEP, then wicketkeeper intervened with BLEEP BLEEP, but the BLEEEP umpire did nothing. By this time it was BLEEEP to BLEEEP was BLEEEEP is to BLEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP”

“Important announcement: Shoaib has just started his run-up from our launch station situated 2 miles away. Batsmen and fielders should be at their positions in 15 minutes”

“Victory of Xinghala tribe over Australian team has once again proven that bats made out human bones are better than willow.”

“One team will win, one team will lose, or it will be a tie. Who cares, its all shite anyways? Lets talk about better things in life, like me and kathy……”

“Winner of the world cup final will be decided by popular vote. If you think Team India should win then text 7774, and if you think Team Australia should win then text 7733.”

“Playing with a grenade in place of cricket ball, has made this game even more exciting.”

[I think it is Anuradha who had asked me to do this one long time back. Since I am undergoing a severe bout of insomnia tonight, and a bit clogged in my head, here it is, my generosity towards my readers. Anybody else wants to read anything else. Let me know! :)]

Fielding Strategy for a Serial Killer Batsman

I have been trying to devise an effective fielding strategy against a batsman who is a psychotic serial killer. The plan shown above is not fool-proof but it is the best I have got so far. Anyways, here are a few other finer points:

  1. Hang in groups
  2. Field close to the stadium exit points.
  3. Don’t bowl him a bouncer! Body line are strict No No!
  4. During drinks break,  if he is near the drinks trolley, then don’t go near it.
  5. Never tie his shoe laces. (If he requests, then it is time to run)
  6. …and again,most importantly, HANG IN GROUPS!!!

[Note: Don’t leave comments about ‘only 2 players outside the inner circle rule’. Life of my players is too precious]

And…

….I am back! Don’t even remember when I posted last. Weeks ago? Months ago? Years ago? Many Many lives ago?

Where was I? kahaan gaye they? bhool gaye apna farz?! khoon paseena ek karke apne bachhe ki tarah paala tha is blog ko, aur tum chod ke chale gaye!

  1. I was in a PhD induced coma
  2. I was working towards refilling my quota of insanity.
  3. I was also working on a book titled “Tiddo ki Psychology” (Psychology of grasshoppers). (excerpts will be posted later…)
  4. I was also experimenting with my writing on an anonymous blog. Basically, I was ranting a lot about my personal life there and using mildly offensive language. Both the content and style are outside the scope of this blog.
  5. Trying to figure out ways so that “I drag this life” instead of “This life dragging me”.

What now?

I am back…will be here for quite sometime! So lets get back to tearing the world apart! Every cynical bit apart! Every banality apart! Every cliches apart! and so on…..you get the point! right?

Duniyawaalon tumhein charoon taraf se gher liya gaya hain! Bhagne ki koshish bekaar hain!

Here is one of my recent rants that I voiced while I was high on caffeine and Red Bull:

Starbucks on every corner…starbucks on every corner!!!..If they continue like this, earth would become incapable of producing any more coffee one day…they are leading us towards a world where there would be no coffee! Like literally! NO COFFEE! Think about a world without coffee!…#$%$! Don’t even think about it! Its too dark of a scenario to think about…not coffee colored dark…like dark dark!…countries fighting wars over coffee…..this capitalist coffee, no, coffee capitalism is going to shake the whole world, and it should be stopped.”

Anyways…

Its good to be back! I am pretty sure I have lost all my loyal followers by now…but if you are still there….a big Hello to you guys!