Monthly Archives: July 2009

the problem is…

After watching five crappy movies in a row, this is exactly how I feel –it’s a world full of bad screenwriters! I cry for the forests.

Anyways, I saw this trailer, and decided to look back at all the stories I had written, and classify them into piles of “Torture on Nature”, “Why??” and “Well! Ahem! Its different kind of story!” Ladies and Gentleman, I better not tell you the numbers in each pile, but lets just put in dialogues of “Bluetooth Virgin”, that the problem with some of them is that they were written.

******

 [Screenplay]

 “I am writing a screenplay”

“Wow! What is it about?”

“Its about this chef on H.M.S Beagle!”

“You mean, H.M.S Beagle as in the ship on which Darwin traveled.”

“Yup! Exactly!”

“And?”

“The story unfolds to reveal that he was the actual proponent of evolution theory. What do you think about it?”

“Err..Don’t you think its missing some action?”

“No, No! I forgot to tell you, the chef is actually a time traveler, and he actually stole the idea from Darwin himself, and then the guy, I mean, the chef gets murdered too. What do you think now?”

“err…ahem ahem…”

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Fan Fiction

fan fiction

 

[No is also an answer!]

“Give me an unbreakable vow that you will help Draco finish the job assigned to him by dark lord”, says Narcissa Malfoy.

Snape looks into the darkness of Whatever Street and says, “There are very few people in this world, for whom I would do anything, and you lost that right, when you walked away on me 19 years, 2 months, and 10 hours back.”

He looks at Narcissa’s face for one last time and walks away, without saying any further word. Narcissa stands there alone, watches him disappear into the dark alleys, his flowing robes slowly following him, and images from past flashing before her eyes….

 

[Mistaken Identities]

“Professor Langdon, we found this symbol inscribed…”

“Excuse me, hold on, How many times should I tell you that I am not this Langdon dude!”

“Professor, this is no time to joke, if we don’t act now, the whole world is going to end in 10 hrs…”

“..and how much of those 10 hrs do you want to waste on me. I am not a Professor, my last name is not Langdon, and all these symbols are just cave drawings to me.”

“What about your ID, which says Dr. Robert Langdon”

“Ohhh!! That!!! I was at this restaurant the other day, and I met this totallyyy drunk bastard, and he said that he was ready to trade his wallet for the piece of paper on which I was playing Pictionary. So, I just said deal, and here am I.”

Free Fall

That’s my life…that’s your life….and that’s life!

free fall

TV’s Moment of Zen

RakhiLast Friday, I had this genius of an idea that I should watch ‘Rakhi ka Swayamwar’ and then write at least 10 funny blogs on the idiocy that goes on in that show. But it turns out that I ignored the side effects of genius(ness), because here I am, with holes in my brain, gray cells that you can count on your fingers, and hollow eye sockets as I decided to gorge on my own eyes after watching 20 minutes of that show.

Taking cue from my favorite ‘The Daily Show’, here it is your moment of zen, (you can directly jump to 1.05), after which it becomes, AMAYYZIIINGG!!

 

Indiblogger of the Month

Yours truly’s totally untruly yours blog has been nominated for the Indiblogger of the month Contest. Yayyyyy!!! Yippeeeeee!!!!! (jump on bed)!!!! (catching my breath)…Yayyyy!!

A quick look at all the other nominee’s and I am pretty sure that I don’t deserve to win -there are way more funnier blogs. But just in case, you think different, you can follow the link, and vote. (Oh! there are 21 hours left for voting). But what I would suggest is that do check the list of nominee’s, there are some amazing blogs listed there.

Indiblogger of the Month (Original Humor Category)

Oh and just in case, you vote for me because you are high right now (and my blog happened to be first on list there)/you decided to click on vote with your eyes closed (and I got lucky)/you love this blog/you love me (blush blush), then you will get an iPOD from my side. I have a lot of them because I always visit sites as their 100, 000th visitor and they always say, “conGRATULATIONSS!!! you have won an iPOD touch”

Anyways, remember, there are only 21 hours left. The list might just vanish after that…

UPDATE: ….and just in case, you don’t vote for me, my friend Matt is going to ask his pet gnomes to build nests in your hairs, drill holes in your brain, sell gray matter to leprechauns, and fill the drilling holes with valium (they are really polite).

It happened to my friend’s friend…

verity index

Happened to You = True *

*If you are not on crack or you are not schizophrenic or you are not totally sloshed.

Happened to your friend = Its probably true **

** Depends on which friend it is.

Happened to your friend’s friend = Not true ***

*** I have heard about friend’s friend who have seen unicorns that poop rainbows, butterflies that can swallow Chihuahuas, dodos roaming in their village (in 1990’s), have dated international pageant winners.

Especially, when it comes to acts of grandpa’s, its mostly not true. I have heard about friend’s friend’s grandpa who was kidnapped by aliens and then he came back after beating the crap out of them, or grandpas who defeated the whole Nazi army single handedly, or grandpas who discovered a flying machine before Wright brothers/Montgolfier or hmmm…yeah..my favorite…grandpa who found Wonderland and rescued Alice from there!

What are you watching?

reality TV

This might piss off some people…but I am in a mood to piss off people today, anyways…so if you are pissed off by this…I don’t care!

Anyways, it can be read both ways, Art imitates life and vice versa.Though, making a serial about a random girl getting married on TV, or a bunch of idiots locked  in same house, fighting each other is hardly an ‘art’. But whatever!

Apologies…

…to the couple who asked directions to East College Avenue, and I mistakenly sent you to West College Avenue. I genuinely thought East was west and west was east.

…to the guy who asked about University Blvd. and I told you about University Terrace Blvd. I came to know today that they are different.

…to the stranger on scooter who asked directions to Rajouri Garden and probably with my directions you landed in Raja Garden. Well, I am guessing you were going to the mall, there are good ones in Raja garden too!

…to the guy who was talking about Bellafonte (Switzerland), and I said, “oh, its just  10 min away from State College (Pennsylvania)”. There is one there too, you know!