Thieves get rich, Saints get shot…

…, and God don’t listen to prayers a lot. I don’t know why this title. My brain’s frozen. No! Its actually clogged.

A couple of weeks back, I kicked off my movie career with an extras role in some D-grade zombie movie. I was supposed to play a civilian who has to run out after  zombies attack the town. Now, it might sound like a simple task, but it is not. Not at all, when you have so many things to take into considerations. Like, how fast should I walk out of town? Should I be walking fast or running? Where should I look? Not into camera definitely but where? What do I do with my hands? Fold them or put them in my pockets? But in the end, I think I managed fine. I will send you the links to my IMDB page, once the movie is out. (if it does)

Theater group is going great. We are performing couple of short sketches at a café this week. I am playing alter ego of a girl in one sketch and a dead body in another. Two things happen when you are asked to play a dead body; sudden realization that you are a very very bad actor, and pleasure that people recognize your sloth like laziness. For the alter ego of a girl role, I have to convince the girl to kill somebody. Perfectionist as I am, I have started to dive into the roles. If you are in state college, and some random guy walks up to you, says, “Kill her” in a freaky psychopathic killer tone, and then falls flat on ground, then you know it is I!

I have two minor wounds on dorsal side of my right hand, but I have no recollection of how I  got them. Since I don’t do drugs, alcohol, and eat worms-that-eat-you-back-from-inside, I thought of the only possibility and called University Health Services and asked them, “Is there any test that can tell me whether I am a schizophrenic or not?” The woman on other side of counter paused for a few seconds and replied, “Has anyone been killed near you, recently?”

Somebody asked me, “How is life going?”. I did not feel like answering the question, so I took out my note pad and scribbled in his face, “Acute tonsillitis. Can’t Speak”. But here is something to keep your brain cells alive:

“It’s called flowers wilt. 
It’s called apples rot. 
It’s called thieves get rich and saints get shot. 
It’s called God don’t answer prayers a lot. 
Alright, now you know.”

— Stephen Sondheim in MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG

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5 thoughts on “Thieves get rich, Saints get shot…

  1. Ankur says:

    it’s nice that you are back to old style…..

  2. Ankur says:

    what if you run so fast that you run past the zombie…..what would the zombie think ????

  3. oorvi says:

    Hmmm…
    It’s difficult to play dead when you aim to play dead! Sometimes, you don’t want to play dead, and you are not really dead either; but people around you assume that you are – and they begin to check for signs of life – they touch your tail…gingerly; they tickle your whiskers…gently…and then when you sneeze – they hug you. Crazy humans – playing dead – why would they want to?

    But I liked your style – it’s sort of dark with streaks of silver…eh? I hope your role opens new doors for you:) All the best!

    Licks n wags,
    Oorvi

  4. Gaurav says:

    @ankur
    Thanks..yup i was planning on doing thtat..outrun zombie..but on second thoughts, it would not have gone too well with my director…

    @oorvi
    Thanks…yeah ‘crazy humans’ playing dead! and even worse asking a sloth to play one! (as happened in my case)

  5. Tanya says:

    i guess u have a new follower now!! hehe
    the bit about schizophrenia was hilarious! and i loved the lines by Stephen Sondheim! so so true!

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