Air-hostess and Me

 

I nearly killed the airhostess while trying to put my luggage in the overhead space. Not really! I mean, my carry on bag just fell from a good enough height so very close to her that while falling, the bag might have gathered some of her makeup in its trajectory of fall. And for a second, she was so startled, and kept on looking at me with revengeful eyes later. I thought they were revengeful!

 

Although she gave me this very professional smile a minute later after I had apologized duly and made myself very clear that it was totally unintentional, and I was in no way sent by her former boyfriend or her employer airline company to kill her. Love-turned hate and layoffs were totally off my list. I swear.

“Am so sorry! It was totally unintentional”

“Its fine! It happens”, she said, assuming a tone that sounded as if it’s a very daily thing and part of their training is to dodge baggage thrown at them by hostile passengers like me.

 

Anyways I was pretty sure that I was not going to get any food or drinks on this 15 hour long flight. I had just violated at least one of the ‘Ten Commandments of An International Flight’. But after a very smooth takeoff, like really smooth, the kind that actually makes you doubt whether you are actually in sky or still on land, she came and started asking for drinks. I smiled excessively and said, “Orange juice!”

“Did you say Orange juice, Sir? She asked in a manner that meant to me, “How can a heartless killer like you drink Orange Juice? You should be the one asking for some blood substitute, and on the very least some bloody red wine!”

“Here it is, (pause), Sir”, she said while handing over Orange juice in a plastic transparent glass. She is going to drop it on me! She is going to drop it any minute. I know! I know! No it landed safely on the tray in front of me.

 

I so much wanted to exchange my glass of orange juice with the guy sitting next to me. I mean, I had a very good reason to do so; What if she poisoned my orange juice. It’s a crazy crazy world, full of psycho people. You never know. Why take chances! But then I looked the guy next to me, he was so tall that he could stand up in plane and touch the moon. If I do anything to his drink, then it would surely mean a sudden death by strangulation, and that too with just one hand of his. I chose slow death by poisoning!

 

First sip did taste weird! But then orange juice is something that tastes different everywhere in world. I waited for my throat to choke but it never did. Okay, safe so far! I don’t know for how long though.

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3 thoughts on “Air-hostess and Me

  1. Ram Venkatararam says:

    Airhostess cannot be killed. Something to do with pressurized air, forced smiles and habtual “relations” with pilots. Makes them immortal. That’s why they all look so world weary. It’s true.

    Thanks for the post

  2. Shruti says:

    Nice. poisioning you might be the easiest way to kill. She probably wanted to take you close to death , make you realise how scary it could be. and then boom !!!!
    throw you back into reality……………

    This was what you did to her……………….right!!!

    She did take her revenge son……..she did !!!!

  3. Gaurav says:

    @Ram

    Thanks for reading and commenting! wooh! i never saw air hostesses that ways! 🙂

    @Shruti

    Yeah! i think she very well did! Next time on a plane even during emergency if an air hostess is handing me a parachute, i would be like…”Are you sure, you have not punctured a hole in hit…its not a good time for grudges, u know!”

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