Monthly Archives: September 2008

Scribbles from Last Week [Week 39, 2008]

[Thought]

Scribble! Scribble!! Scribble!!!

WTH!!…thats too much pressure!

*****

[Quote]

“Why do the leaves fall, if they have to come back again in next spring? Isn’t it like too much wastage of energy and moreover isn’t it too much work.”

*****

[Conversation]

“Why do you want to go to Iceland?”

I replied, “I don’t know really, I want to build an igloo, meet an Eskimo and ask him how long does it take to boil potatoes there?”

*****

[Music]

Here it is..song of the week!

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Fatwa on Mickey Mouse!!!

 

As if not enough people with already-a-fatwa-on-their-head were available, a Saudi Islamic cleric, Muhammad Al-Munajid issued a fatwa on Mickey Mouse…Yes, you read it right… Mickey Mouse, the Disney character. Apparently, all the antics of Mickey like burning houses are not in good taste to Islam and thus Mickey should be killed in opinion of Al-Munajid. He went ahead to the extent of calling Mickey “Satan’s Soldier” and an “impure corrupter”

 

So here are my bets for people characters that might get fatwa from Al-Munajid in next few months:

1) Snow White/Cindrella and other fairy princess’ because they don’t wear a burka

2) Superman and all his superhero friends, as they don’t keep a beard.

3) Wonder women, as she kinda lies in both the above categories and she is an American.

 

It is funny to imagine that there might be some people out there, looking for Mickey Mouse, and ready to shoot him. The only people affected by these threats might be theme park owners as it may become difficult to find people to wear that costume.

 

But in this entire milieu, I have some very fundamental questions, like:

Do they send you a copy of fatwa if it is issued in your name?

If yes, do they send it in mail? Is it like handwritten or typewritten? Which paper do they use; recycled or glossy or …?

Which courier company do they prefer; FedEx, UPS or DHL?

If you are a bigshot, does it come glass framed?

Do they end the fatwa with ‘yours sincerely’ or ‘yours’ or … or “May Allah bless you’?

 

The same cleric who issued a fatwa in name of Mickey Mouse had also issued a fatwa against ‘stupid humor’. So I might get a fatwa issued in my name for writing this blog. If it comes, I promise I will scan it and put it on my blog.

Scribbles from Last Week [Week 38, 2008]

 

[Thought]

 

In terms of cranial capacity, I am better only to yeasts…yeah that’s because they don’t have a cranium.

*****

[Conversation]

 

Three girls in the bus…

 

“I miss Tennis”

“You play Tennis?”

“Yeah! do you?”

“Yayyyy! I play tennis too!”

“Yayyyyyy!!!!”

“Yayyyyyyy! You two play tennis too! I play too!”

“Yayyyyyyyyy” “Yayyyyyyyy” “Yayyyyy”

“I don’t have a racket!”

“Me neither!”

“Me neither!”

“But we all play tennis…”

“yayyyyyy” “yayyyyy” “yayyyyy”

“we need a fourth person to play doubles.”

“my friend plays tennis too…she has a table too!”

“yayyyyyy””yayyyyyy” “yayyyyyyy”

 

*****

[Interview]

The question said, “Give an achievement of your life that can help BP (British Petroleum)?

I wrote, ” As a kid, I was good at digging holes!”

 

Another one said, “Why do you want to join BP?”

I wrote, ” So that I can a discount on my gas purchases. I hope you do that for your employees.”

*****

[Truth]

I know this week’s writing sucks more than usual. I am not in my elements.

 

*****

[Music]

 

Here is my song selection from last week: Gamma Ray by Beck

Scribbles from Last Week [Week 37, 2008]

 

[Conversation]

 

“Shh!!”

“What?!”

“Can you hear a sound?”

“That’s just tectonic plates moving”

 

*****

[Observation]

 

Remember, when they had declared Haryana as dry state and people resorted to smuggling liquor bottles from adjoining states, hiding them in every possible nook and corner of their clothing. Now here is my own Freakonomics funda:

“The sale of larger sized underwear increased during that period when state was declared ‘Liquor-Free'”

 

*****

[Thought]

 

Personal opinion it is, but I think writing short stories is much easier than writing plays.

 

******

[Music]

Most played song on my playlist during last week : Fields of Gold by Sting

Here it is:

Scribbles from Last Week [Week 36, 2008]

[Conversation]

Hip Hop is playing loudly in the background and the noise is so much that you can’t even hear what you are saying, and this guy walks up to me and says,

“Croissant… varied….. war original….video game!”

“What?!!!!….I can’t hear you!”, I have no idea why I say that, very well knowing that if I can’t hear him, the situation is same vice versa.

He shouted, “The word ‘croissant’ has a very interesting war origin.”

“Really!!”

I am not at all surprised that origin of croissant lies in some war but what surprises me is that somebody decided to tell me that story of origin, in middle of a party. Do I look like a nerd, who would be more interested in some bread than the party itself? Worse, do I look like a croissant that is searching for its own origin?

Whatever, here is the story of croissant (as I can remember…)

 

In 16__, Ottoman empire attacked ________, and somebody defeated somebody, and somebody decided to make bread in form of moon crescent, actually two moon crescents, and then French, who I think had nothing to do with war decided to name the bread as Croissant…

*****

[Event]

A totally drunk guy is trying to stand upside down on his head and attempting other yoga postures. I want to ask him, if he can fold himself into a paper clip like position. But I fear that he might get struck in his own limbs.

*****

Speeding Ticket…

…it is! On Saturday, when the whole town was inside the Beaver stadium watching Penn State game, I was caught at 41 mph in a 25 mph zone. In my defense, it was a down slope and I had accidentally spiked up for just 5 sec, 3.2 out of which were noted by this cop.

This guy came after me without flashing but there is always something about cops. You know when they are after you and not somebody else. A second later he was flashing and despite all my teenage dreams about being a part of car chase, I decided that today is not the day for that, so I stopped.

“Sir, I clocked you at 41 there in 25 zone. Can you explain that?”

“Ahmm…! It was…Eh… that down slope …I had put breaks! But…”

I know cops are accoutered with frequency jammers but believe me, what they don’t tell you is that they have a creativity jammer too. I can tell anybody else thousand amazing reasons for being at 41 in a 25 zone but in front of a cop, only thing you manage is truth that too which sounds like a falsified one.

And during all this when you are berating yourself on why you did not see that missing button on shirt as a sign to not go outside today, what pisses you off most is stare of people from passing by cars.

Oh yeah! he is the thief that stole my socks last year…No No he is the guy who ran away from that correctional facility in Nevada…..No honey,  he is the guy whom they made that movie upon, that Leo diCaprio movie…

Shut up!! Stop staring!! I just did what you are doing right now. You are also driving at 45 in 35 zone. Just that it was my luck that was bad today!

So, here I am, 4 points richer and $150 dollars poorer and still wondering what if I had recognized that orange-peel-looking-like-cop-car as an ominous sign.

Let me fly home!

Is somebody selling a small plane that can fly me over the Atlantic, all the way till India and then back?

I am pretty sure that buying a second hand plane would come out to be cheaper than the airline ticket prices. Seriously, I am so pissed off after spending so many hours in vain, trying to find a ticket that at  the very least does not sound exorbitant. I have tried everything, from online sites to travel agents. They are all equally merciless, money hungry, … ridiculous and funny.

Orbitz, my first stop was damn funny! You put in all the information and then it will show you a price that will make your heart grow fonder. Then you happily go to book it and they would come up with this message in RED that says that Prices just jumped up by 400 $. What the hell?!

Finn Air will ask you to fill in everything except what are you going to eat during your stay in India and then the next page takes like eternity to upload. It seems as if they are asking all the people of Finland, as to what the price of my ticket should be, and after such a long wait they come up with this message that says, “There are no flights for selected days”. I repeated searches for every possible date and they always display the same message. Why on the face of this earth would those brothers of Eskimos, have a website if they don’t have any flights.

Travel agents seems to be a totally different genus to me, something like Homotravela agenta. First question they ask is “How much fare do you expect?”. I replied, “$100 sounds reasonable but if you want to send $200 in mail in rebate later on, then its fine with me!”. I mean, what did he expect me to say,”$1539.36  is my expected price!” and then he would rotate a fortune wheel and if I get the exact same amount on wheel, I become the bumper prize winner and I get to spend some 22 days and 23 nights in India. Wow that would be some fun.

There was this other travel agent too who has a voicemail saying that he is restroom right now. Does he change his voicemail many times in day, depending on what he is doing or does he spend most of his time in a restroom or does he lovingly call his office ‘restroom’. What??!!

If by tomorrow, I don’t get any tickets, I would start making those wings of wax and I promise, I won’t fly close to sun.

Scribbles from Last Week [Week 35, 2008]

 

[Dialogue]

“I have Claustrophobia”

“What the hell is that?”

“I have fear of Clausters!”

“WTH?”

*****

[Question]

What’s up with those people who wear jackets front-side back? I mean, why would you do so? I could not think of any other reasons other than

1) its easier to wear a jacket that way, as you don’t have to stretch your arm far and wide while putting second arm in jacket sleeve

2) you want to be the harbingers of a fashion revolution, questioning the very way of wearing jackets and

3) you love your lungs more than your spinal cord.

*****

[Dialogue]

….

“Press the pedal and hit this guy!”

“Yeah Sure!”

“No seriously! I used to do that and I got 15 tickets in a month.”

“When? Where?”

“I was playing a lot of Road Rash those days!”

“So?”

*****

[Quote]

A friend once said, “A girl is not worth dating if she does not understand ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ ”

*****

[Statistics]

I am working on a list of “IMDB Top 250 Movies that I have watched”