Monthly Archives: April 2008

Commercial Breaks

Who came up with the idea of ‘commercial breaks’?

I hate that person. I really do. Am pretty sure he/she also did not expect people to make pathetic ads like Comcast and others. But was that just a move for earning money or was there any other ulterior motive like a slow mental death of human race and handing those brain dead zombies to some alien race.   

Yes Sir/Madam, I did lose some of my brain cells after watching that Comcast advertisement in which a man is sitting in a car wearing some conical shaped costume in which he barely looks like a bullet and I think a cop catches him and a message is flashed–> Faster then a speeding bullet–>Comcast. (each alphabet in different color)

Oh! and can you beat that one where they talk about Rhinovirus and they actually show a Rhinoceros next to a sick man.

Besides the whole point that 90% of its advertisement being crappy and abysmal in terms of creativity in this part of world, what is the whole point in stopping a story in between and flash a rhinoceros. or something else. (well as long as its some blonde…its still OK)

And what is the whole point in having commercial breaks on all the channels at the same time. Why can’t we have like one channel solely devoted to advertisements. (I want to see the ratings of that channel).

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Oh! I just noticed that most people read blogs on Tuesday. At least thats a pattern that I see from hits on my page. Is that the case with everybody? I am amused at seeing this pattern being repeated for quite sometime now.

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Romulus with Some Number

 

‘Not every child thrown to wolves becomes a hero”

                                                            —– Somebody (Obviously!!)

Yeah so true! Tell this to my parents who had thrown me in front of wolves. Well the fact that they wanted me to become a hero was just one reason. My being too troublesome and my habit of making up fictional stories that destroyed at least 3 marriages and forced one person to visit a ghost hunter, had something to do with my parents extreme step.

One day when I drank a full bottle of blue ink and I turned totally blue. My parents took me to that crazy doctor who it seemed had not got off his chair for a decade then and his chair somehow seemed to have molded itself around that man. So that crazy man said that there was no way out and the only way I can get it out is becoming writer and bring that ink on paper. I am pretty sure he said that to cheer me up. But it was only me who was cheered up that day, as my parents nuisance child become a socially unacceptable child. (If you think that being white/black is minority, think of being blue!). So just a week later, I found myself lying in a forest.

What do you do in such situation?
Try to save yourself or at least think of saving yourself.
How do you feel in such situations?
I don’t know as I did not feel anything. I just slept for most days. So a few days into this place and I was attacked by wolves. And when they attacked, I was saved by my blue color and Herman. I assume wolves don’t like blue cheese and then Herman was there for me. Herman is actually a two and one quarter toed sloth. Well he was a three toed sloth but he lost three quarters of a toe to the exacting scenarios during Forest War II. A nice jolly fellow he is!

I did get friendly with wolves after a few more meetings. And well they did help me a lot. But I could never join the league of Romulus, Remus Lupin or Mowgli. All heroes! Rest of my life is pretty banal like most of you guys. When wolves realized that I was too much of a sloth myself and sloth realized that I am too much of a wolf myself, they all decided that It was time for me to leave forest.

Once back among humans, I did what my doctor had suggested long time back. I started writing. My first story was obviously the one about my stay with sloths and wolves. People occasionally ask me questions like:

 
Are you a werewolf?

No! they never bit me! They really really hate blue color.

What is your name?

Romulus with some number.

What is the full name of your friend?

Its ‘Herman Dolloway the two and one quarter sloth!’

Did you have your clothes on when your parents left you in forest?

No! they are ruthless. I think they did not want to give me an unfair advantage over animals. They did not even leave me with underwear on. (Mowgli was lucky on that front)

All the kids thrown to wolves become heroes. Do you think you are going to be next hero?

Well I think Rome has already been found. I am not a werewolf and Mowgli is too clichéd to become hero now. So I guess as somebody who had lot of time at hand to think of wolves and children together, said, ” Not every child thrown to wolves becomes a hero’

Some just become food!

PS: This is definitely one of the dumbest post on Antisense Strand!

 

 

 

 

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What Kind of Steam Engine are you?!

Besides the fact that I am writing this blog while hanging upside down from an aspen tree, there is nothing unusual about this post. Its one of those usual rants of an insane van de graff generator.

(Ok! I don’t know I am so smitten with the idea of calling my brain a van de graff generator. I guess it has got to do something with those sparks inside both of them.)

Anyways, is it only me or everybody is amused with those quizzes on blogosphere that keep on assigning you different identities based on certain set of questions. Yeah am talking about these:

 

What kind of monster are you?

What kind of Sex and the City character are you?

Which Bollywood actor are you?

Which color are you? (isn’t that racist?!)

Which flavor of ice cream are you? (yeah! go eat yourself!)

What kind of plant are you?

What vegetable are you? (I did not take that one fearing it might give broccoli back as an answer)

What kind of toy are you?

What kind of laptop are you?

What kind of baby diaper are you?

 

Oh! And I came up with this one.

 

What kind of steam engine are you?

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Did you read that report on CNN sometime back which said that regular altercations among couples is good for their married life.

 

Thank God, I came to know about this with quite some years left before I actually enter that sphere. But earnest as I am in my preparations for life, I have applied to this Anti-Anger management school for summer. 

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Does anybody know a word for ‘fear of broccoli’. I was not able to find one. so I coined my own term for that ‘Brachiuolliphobia’. (Latin word Brachium+olli+phobia).

I am Brachiuolliphobic!

 

 

I am Environment Friendly!


My laziness and procrastination towards laundry has got a new name. Environment friendly. Energy Conservation. Check out this video by United nations Energy Program. 

The video says: Wear your jeans at least three times before going to laundry and wash it in cold water. No ironing and you have consumed 5% less energy.

Since I am more environmental friendly than most of you guys (Yeah true!) , I wear all my jeans 6 times or more before doing laundry.  Then I use cold water to wash my clothes. As an extra energy conservation step, I don’t even plug washer to electricity. I rotate washer-dryer using mechanical energy generated by my biceps. 

Ironing? whats that!

Yup! I am no lazy! I am a Captain Planeteer!

Unknown Man Slips on Banana Peel!

I spent my entire day, thinking of something funny to write but the only image that kept popping up in my ‘Van de Graff generator’ shaped brain, was that of a fat man (one with his belly trying to see the world through lower buttons of his shirt) stepping and then falling on a banana peel. Dhadam!!! 

And the news gets flashed on all the TV News channels in India.

I know this was stupid to think of in first place and stupidier (now that’s being creative!) to write. But this world is crazy even without me. So..here it is! 

Dragged Along Jockey

The same old clichéd question was posed to me, yet one more time.

“How is life going on?” my friend asked on phone.

I could have easily said, “Good..great!” but then I don’t believe in giving clichéd replies. So here is what I said,

“Do you know the feeling that you are a jockey and have fallen off the horseback but your fate is more ruthless than you ever imagined? So although you have fallen from horseback, you are still entangled in the foothold of saddle. So, the horse is galloping at its full speed and you are being dragged along, hanging upside down. Every now and then your head hits a small stone in the grainy racecourse soil. Since you still haven’t got a spring instead of vertebral column in your back, there is no way you can climb back on horse.

By the time you and thousands of spectators have got used to this view, the only thing you wish is for the race to end. Something inside tells that you are definitely going to perform better in next race.

I know that feeling!”

 

My friend went silent for a couple of seconds after I gave this reply!

 

 

Message for aliens

This is what aliens will find when they arrive sometime in future. Written on a torn piece of newspaper, and safely sealed in a vodka bottle, here is the message.

“With each tear, the sea rose
and thus the world drowned!”

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