Monthly Archives: January 2008

Stallone is like Sunny Deol!

I thought I was the weird one. But somebody searched this on Google and was directed to my blog.

“Sylvester Stallone is like Sunny Deol”. He/she (well I have all the reasons to assume He here) was directed to my page because I once wrote a blog which had both these names. But sorry Sir/Madam if you did not get the answer on my blog that day. I am specially writing a blog for you. I am very generous, you know.

Yes Sylvester Stallone is like Sunny Deol. Why? Lets see

Both have defeated fully equipped armies of enemies single handedly.

Both are equally pathetic at comedy.

Both don’t seem to be thinking of retiring from film industry in near future.

Both of them don’t know how to dance. At least I am sure on that front about Sunny Deol and have never seen Stallone dance.

Just one difference, Sunny Deol keeps on shouting during his movies while Stallone prefers to do his jobs silently

Datun: A New Secret Society

Emblem Secret
Datun Membership Form

Datun (pronounced as Daytoon) is a secret society that (obviously) guards a secret. Some believe that they are a group of activists that are guarding the practice of using Margosa twigs as toothbrush. But that is a misconception. It is a secret society in its true sense.

Emblem: Datuns have “a half eaten banana dipped in chocolate sauce” as their emblem. But since it is a secret society and also due to technical difficulties in making such an image, all Datun documents have “Emblem Secret” in place of emblem.

Incantation: All Datun members have to repeat these words every Sunday:

“Travel shalt you far and wide,
among the highlands of riches.
Hollow lies the deep core,
With sounds of hyenas in air.”

Secret Practices:

1.    On every full moon night, each Datun member drinks guava nectar when the gong strikes 12.00. One has to drink in a manner that some of the nectar drips out of your mouth and falls on earth. Falling on earth signifies that you are sharing nectar with Nature.

2. On third Saturday of every month, Datuns assemble and do pillow fights with the devil that flows in air.

Membership Open:

If you want to be part of this elite group then answers these questions and send the form back to: World’s End

Q1. Have you ever guarded a secret? (You can attach an extra sheet for answers)

Q2. Have you ever stapled anything wrong? (We mean upside down types)

Q3. For Males: Do you like Paris Hilton?
For females: Do you like Himesh Reshammiya?

Let us all say: Datuns as we are!

Confession Box

This is true. I have never told this to anyone. Whenever I go shopping, after sometime I cannot differentiate between mannequins and real people. To the extent that I have said ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’ to that female mannequin in black dress.

I once thought that a girl was crazy in showing his dress to a mannequin but soon the mannequin moved and then I realized that it was her boyfriend.

Well the girl was crazy anyways in having a mannequin as boyfriend.

Greatest Invention!!!

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Somebody once asked me, “What do you think is man’s best invention?”

I said, “Time Machine!”

He added, “So far.”

I believe time machines are there for real but I was in no mood to argue. So I said, “Stapler”.

Yes my friends, I do believe in my full insane mind that wheels are overrated and stapler has never been given its worth. Well wheels helped in movement but had wheel not been there, we would have discovered a flying machine much earlier. I know there was some pottery angle too but who cares, grains can be stored in jute bags too. And moreover would pottery be different if instead of potters wheel we had potter’s square or triangle moving on an axis. (Besides difficulty on potter’s part on deciding where to sit without hitting the moving square or triangle). Actually if you see, all present day problems of pollution, wars, etc etc are all due to wheel.

Besides we could have easily made bags to store everything, by stapling pins on a bark or animal skin. It was just a matter of inventing one first. We would have made fire easily with a stone stapler. Actually it would have been much easier to make fire with a stone stapler. So stapler could have made fire, and it could have done what wheel did.

Xerox machines are important. No doubt about that, but imagine a world with lot of unstapled papers. With all the tornadoes, hurricanes and unstapled papers, this world could have been one big mess. So stapler actually helped to avoid all the risks associated with another good invention called Xerox machine.

Well I have solved a lot of my day to day problems with stapler. I have used it to hang curtains, repair my bathroom slippers, repair soles of my formal shoes and repair knobs of doors. So with slight modifications, stapler can solve so many things.

Well before everybody starts jumping at me, let me clarify here that I believe that “Stapler” is the best invention but not the only good invention.

Bush fell off bicycle more than once!

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A Swiss Ad Agency came up with this really funny print media advertisement for Sport Factory Outlet. I could not stop laughing when I read this line:

George Bush has fallen off the bicycle more than once. Protect your head with a bicycle helmet.”

Next time my parents ask me why I am so weird; I am going to put blame back on them. They never bought me a bicycle helmet.

Shilpa Shetty to Andrew Symonds: Six Degrees of Separation

A friend asked me, my take on Australia-India Cricket Racism thing which is going pretty hot in cricket circles these days.

Weird as I am, I said, “Its all Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty’s fault.”

Obviously my friend was shell-shocked. Not that he expected a sane reply from me but he did not expect this reply too.

Yes Sir/Madam, I truly believe that’s its all due to Six degrees of Separation and it all started with Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty on Big Brother’s Reality TV show in England. So sometime last year, Shilpa Shetty blamed Jade Goody for racist comments eliciting all the public sympathy and votes. Eventually she won on the show. If revenge is sweet then how could Jade Goody part away with that sweetness. So she called up Andrew Symonds to blame somebody from Indian cricket team for racist comments. So he blamed Harbhajan Singh for racist comments when he called him Monkey. Any such act, affects the whole Indian cricket team. Everybody knows that Indian Cricket team has close ties with Bollywood. (Dhoni-Deepika, Yuvraj-Kim Sharma, blah blah). So if Indian cricket team is affected, tremors are bound to reach Bollywood. And in Bollywood resides Shilpa. (Does she?!)

Jade Goody is smiling now! Revenge is sweet.

So my friends, it goes like this:

Shilpa Shetty-Jade Goody-Andrew Symonds-Harbhajan Singh/Indian Cricket Team-Bollywood-Shilpa Shetty.

Sixth Degree would be monkeys. Rhesus macaque to be precise!

Numb

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I finally found the trailer for Matthew Perry starrer movie Numb. It is a story about a screenwriter who is suffering from Depersonalization Disorder. Reviews and a quick look at the trailer tells that Perry has done a brilliant job in portraying the role of chronically depressed screenwriter who is living life in hell. The movie was screened at Tribeca Film Festival. Reviews from there tell that its witty and funny. And among all this don’t forget Matthew Perry’s funny one liners. Oh, by the way I really love the tagline and the poster.

I don’t know when the movie is going to be in theaters. But there’s a possibility in February. As a fan of Matthew Perry i am so looking forward to it. Have a look at trailer and enjoy.

Therapeutic Tag

Yipee!!! I was tagged. I am so happy because people never tag me as they think I am not serious enough! (Well they are not wrong!). Koke tagged me with this one. Its called ‘Therapeutic Tag’. It seems nobody has any idea as to why it is called so. But names really don’t matter to us.Anyways its about 10 things I miss in my life right now and another list of 10 things I would like to achieve within a decade from now.

10 things I miss in my life right now

1. I miss playing soccer and cricket regularly. It used to be so much fun to travel with whole team in a small van and talk about flaws of everybody’s game after every game.
2. I miss the heavy rains of Delhi. To reach home or go anywhere else, one had to wade through those streets filled with water.
3. I miss those paranthas from Chandni Chowk that we used to eat in undergrad hostel late at night.
4. I so much miss playing pranks on people during undergrad. Not that I don’t do it now but it was bit different then.
5. I miss watching Jungle book, Duck Tales, Byomkesh Bakshi and other serials of that era.
6. I miss taking bath under a tubewell. Although I have done it a few times but I do miss it now. It used to be fun.
7. Believe it or not, I do miss the blueline buses. Catching or getting off a moving bus was dangerous but fun.
8. I miss being quiet. There was a time (long long time ago!) when I was known as a quiet kid. I am always talking nonsense these days. From dusk to dawn and later too!!
9. I miss not having a cellphone. I hate that thing. My friends know that I use my Motorazr more as an alarm clock.
(My antisense side is kicking in now…So excuse me!!)
10. I miss the weight of earth on my shoulders. Although that Atlas dude gave it to me but he took it back pretty soon!

10 things I would like to achieve within a decade from now

1. Write my first book and get it published.
2. Visit England, Finland, Poland, Scotland, Greenland, New Zealand, Neverland ……almost every land.
3. Be part of Spanish Tomatino festival. It would be fun to throw tomatoes at everybody.
4. Win a Nobel and an IgNobel. If both of them are on same work, nothing better than that.
5. Make a movie with Jim Carey, Matthew Perry, Nivi and me.
6. Do most of those crazy things like Skydiving, Bungee jumping, white water rafting on extreme rapids, extreme skiing(that’s bit of an overshot!!) and likes.
7. Play American Football at small levels as quarterback or receiver. A quick clarification here, I have no intention of playing with those hulks and being on defense team.
8. I did not want to write this here as it is too boring. I wish to have a lab of my own in next ten years and want it to be the only lab with a home theater system.
9. Have my very own column titled ‘Antisense Strand’ in some magazine or newspaper.

(My antisense side is kicking again now!!! So excuse me again!)
10. Lift earth on my shoulders one more time!

I tag: Swati, Gauri, Nick Oliva and everybody else who wants to take up the tag.

Potatoes and Hash Browns

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I am grateful to the guy who discovered potatoes. I mean who would have picked up those dirty little stone like structures and then said, “Hey we can eat them after washing”. The other person I would like to thank is the guy who made those Hash Brown patties. Microwave them and there you are; eating some delicacy while TV shows some weird boring ads.

I have never been a foodie type. One can easily tell that by the first look of me. But till high school, it was my parents who pushed things into me at regular interval and kept my calorie intakes normal. Once into undergrad college hostel, nobody cares. So I was left at the mercy of messwallahs and the local street food of Chandni Chowk. Another transition in my life and I moved to USA for my PhD. A vegetarian who eats eggs, Hash Browns came to my rescue!

Hash Brown Sandwiches with ranch as dressing is my discovery. A poor hungry man’s discovery that must have been discovered my many more before me. But thats my discovery too! Between two slices of white bread, put a freshly microwaved Hash Brown patty. Put some buttermilk ranch on it and there you are with Hash Brown Sandwich.

Did somebody say, “Potatoes are unhealthy”?”Who cares?”

“I anyways don’t put on weight.”

I am not sure why I wrote this blog but I was very hungry when I wrote this and there was nothing nearby to eat.

Not even Hash Browns!

Happy New Year

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“Time has no divisions to mark its passage, there is never a thunder-storm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or year. Even when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols.”

Yes but we mortals do require something to celebrate. Celebration is always nice. So, go ahead and celebrate, its new year. An entirely new year! There are problems in life as well as this world around us but take time off and enjoy. Everything should not make sense.

The ice is getting thinner,
We have refrigerators.
The numbers are increasing,
We have other planets.
Bullets are making sounds,
We have music.
Mortals are not talking,
We have humor.
Things stopped making sense,
We have Antisense.
The planet is unstable,
I think we have tomorrow.

Happy New Year! Cheers!