Monthly Archives: November 2007

Before the Devil knows that Dragon is Dead.

I am pretty busy these days. Besides all other random things, like preparing for my PhD candidacy exam and trying to have my own comedy show (you guys remember that, right!!), I have started working on this new movie called “Before the Devil knows that Dragon is Dead”. Sounds interesting?!

So lets make this clear here. It may sound like one of those latest Philip Seymour Hoffmann movie but its not a sequel, prequel, any other equal, remake, retake, whatever to that movie!!

There is no allusions involved in this one; Devil is devil and Dragon is dragon. So, what is the plot? Well lets say that a dragon is dying. I am thinking of getting the one that Ron’s brother had in Romania for this particular role. And then obviously devil wants the dead dragon’s soul. So the whole mankind, demi-Godkind, angelkind,all the kinds are a part of a big cover up plan. But there is a big twist in the end. But I can’t tell you that now!!

Any suggestions for Devil’s role. I am thinking of Elizabeth Hurley. She is experienced at that.

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The Weird Show with Mr. Blue Berry

I am starting my very own comedy talk show. That would be sometime soon. I am just waiting for a producer, some money and a movie camera. Thats it guys and I am all set. Oh, the name of show is The Weird Show with Mr. Blue Berry. Needless to say here but I am hosting the show with screen name of Blue Berry. Each guest on the show gets to eat a blueberry muffin with me. (coffee mugs on tables are so clichéd!! ).

Another major change, no tuxedos for host. I am hosting the whole show in my track pants and Tee’ s. So all the Jon’s, Steven’s, Dave’s and King’s, get ready to witness plummeting ratings of your shows.

Anyways here is the guestlist for my pilot episode:

Fidel Castro

Aishwarya Rai

Shoaib Akhtar

Jim Carey, Matthew Perry ( you see rhyming name of Blue Berry!!)

Barack Obama

Hillary Clinton

and very very special Andy Kaufman. (yup he is coming back!!!)

Yes, all of them for my 2 hr. special pilot episode!!! So get ready guys!!! Oh my phone is ringing! Must be the producer. So get back to you guys later!!! Bye!!

Happy Thanksgiving and Turkey Uprising!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers. Have a wonderful dinner and if you survive the cold (if you are in this part of country), enjoy the Black Friday Sale too. I am planning to get some stuff from Best Buy but my friend just told me that we will have to stand in queue for whole night. So I called up the Medical Center and confirmed if it is possible to pre-reserve an ambulance. You know, just in case I get frost bite or other worse stuff. I am pretty cautious in these matters. Last year when I went for skydiving, I jumped alongwith a paramedics team.

Anyways this just came in from my undercover agents. Turkeys of the world (only birds!!!) are uniting and planning an uprising against the celebration of this Turkey Genocide Day. So take care, the turkey on your table may not be actually dead, it might just be faking it. Its a world wide conspiracy, so make sure that turkey in front of you is not wearing a thermal protection suit and is actually dead. These small steps may save mankind!!

Beowulf: What the hell!!!!


Ok, I am pissed off today. All because of watching movie Beowulf. Last time I was in such a bad mood, was after watching the Ajay Jadeja starrer Khel. But then Ajay Jadeja was a cricketer turned actor but yesterday it was worse as it was the animation movie. Ok before any Robert Zemeckis supporter jumps at me, I accept that animation was really good quality but besides that, the movie was a bagful of crap. Here’s why:

1. There are thousands of other ways to show an incompetent king but why on earth, would you choose to show the robe of animated Anthony Hopkins(who plays King Hrothger), fall off in the starting scene of movie to prove the point that king was an incompetent one. Wardrobe malfunctioning is not the only sign of a bad king.
2. There was a moment when they showed the demon Grendel attacking the great hall of Hereot. The violence was so much that, I actually asked my friend ” Was Tarantino involved somewhere in the making of this one?”

3. OK so our hero, the demon slayer Beowulf never fights any unarmed men, without taking his own clothes off!!..

4. The main point why am so pissed off with the movie is why would you distort the old story of Beowulf so much that there is hardly anything left besides the character names and location. Just because you have Angelina Jolie animation as Grendel’s mother does not mean that she was never killed by Beowulf. Just because you have Angelina Jolie animation does not mean that you can call Grendel as Hrothoger’s son and the last dragon that Beowulf fought was actually his son. Just because Zemeckis wanted to end the movie with a semi nude scene of Angelina Jolie, the movie shows that Grendel’s mother was still alive even after Beowulf died.

Well creative freedom is one thing but distorting an old tale so much, is at least not to my taste.

After 15 min of movie, my only repeated comment was, ” What the hell!!….”

Well there were bits and pieces of unintentional humor. To read more about them read Koke’s review.

Professional Suicide Note Writer

I am thinking of taking up a new profession. And I am pretty serious about changing courses this time. For last some weeks, I have been pondering over the issue of becoming a Professional Suicide Note Writer. Very few people realize the importance of putting their last thoughts in an easy to understand and thought provoking form. And even out of the ones who realize the importance of doing so, very few are able to put all their thoughts in a single A4 sheet. So I have decided to take up a job which actually helps mankind. Specially the kind in distress!!

Ok, here is the deal:

My client fills the details about reasons why he is pissed off with life.

He tells me the date and time, so that I can deliver it before that date.

All the notes would be typewritten (Client can choose the font..even Wingdings!!)

The writer is not responsible if cops or somebody barges into your destined place and prevents you from committing suicide.

The writer or his firm does not support “Suicide” in any form. As a matter of fact we are totally against it. But we are all professionals. Right!!

While writing this one I thought of an idea for a Movie. Here it goes:

A professional suicide note writer pens down a suicide note for a celebrity actress. But after reading the note the actress is so inspired by life that she gives up on her plan. But if she does not die, the writer loses his claim to fame. So he in turn goes ahead and kills the actress so that note reaches press and he gets his 15 sec of fame!!!

Applause Applause!!!

Quentin Tarantino..you reading this?!!

Horrorscope..oops I meant Horoscope!!

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I was wondering that, do horoscope writers have something like a horoscope pool set? I mean a set of say 100 or lets say 500 different daily horoscope enteries written at one place and then they chose randomly from there for each sun sign everyday. I mean it would be difficult to write same thing with new words every other day. If somebody ever comes across such pool set, please send it to me. I always wanted to be a horoscope writer but never knew where to apply!!!

FUNERAL TV!!..What next?!!

I love when people put in their hard earned money and do something absurdly funny. That too when they know that none of that money is coming back!! These people are true epitomes of altruism. Just for that one laugh!! one laugh from general public.

Latest, I saw this example of altruism when some people in Germany started a TV channel that can be called FUNERAL TV. Actually the channel is called Etos TV. The channel is going to show videos of the dead. (What?!!!). And by dead, they don’t mean Addam’s Family. As was said on Broadband TV news:

Family members can show pictures and video clips of a deceased person with an appropriate text for a fee of €2,000.

Other Etos programming will include documentaries about ‘beautiful cemeteries’ with music to match the pictures. It will also broadcast documentaries on related matters

“Documentaries on ‘Beautiful Cemeteries’ with a music to match.”. I have a question here; Music is going to match the word beautiful or the word cemetery. And also documentaries on related matters. Now what are those supposed to be. “Related Matters!!!” I have some ideas for the channel.

1) Documentaries on tombstone art.

2) A kids program called “Tombstone Island” or “Grave Hunt”

3) “Celtic Cemetery” sounds cool (remember music to match).

4) Reality TV show where group of people are left in cemeteries and the are supposed to find way out of it!!

Snow Snow!!

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Yipeee!!…first snow of season!! . Congratulations to all those who were anxiously waiting for this. Come Nov 18, weather.com says time to grab your skis. I know last time we went snowboarding, it was a disaster..ok lets say a damn funny disaster. Nobody told me that ski pants and gloves are so important. I realized there importance when my jeans was all cold and hands all numb. I think I fell 63 (plus and plus a few) times that day and ultimately my snowboard fell off the cliff (that was funny!!..it was like watching that Jeep falling off in old Hindi movies). But overall, it was fun.

Here are my plans for this winter:

Go skiing (actually snowboarding).

Make a Snowman with a round belly and head.( that would be possible only after snowstorm!!)

Walk on a frozen lake. One of these days if I go missing, don’t worry its just that I went for walk on frozen lake, ice broke, i got trapped inside. So i would be back in spring when the lake melts. Till then I am there with fishes taking part in Snow Shelter Movement for aquatic animals.

Read Orhan Pamuk‘s “Snow”.

PS: The photograph is not from todays snow and its not even State College. All credit goes to the person (Don’t know who?) who clicked this and then to Google images.

Happy Diwali!!

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I am missing all those sweets and festivities. 😦 . Anyways my best wishes to everybody on this occasion of Diwali.

We love War!!!

My favorite past time these days is watching videos on Comedy Central website, especially the ones from Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Found this one yesterday and loved the satire behind this video. Watch it for yourself and form your own opinions. For video click here. (am so disappointed to know that I cannot embed the video)

But I loved this quote by Jon Stewart;

I am not too certain about investing. Oh!! we are going to war. I am in!!