2012 Apocalypse: Role of Vermiform Appendix

 

God procrastinates too! You know, how I know this? Because the apocalypse that was last supposed to happen in Year 2000 is now going to take place on December 21, 2012. According to a recent CNN report, there are people who believe that on December 21, 2012, when the 5126-year old cycle of Mayan calendar ends, God will go clueless as to how can he manage this planet without a calendar, and in a fit of frustration induced rage, destroy this whole earth.

            I don’t know how a cyclic calendar works but I am pretty sure we have better quality calendars nowadays, and God is intelligent enough to move to better, easier to read calendars. God is smarter than what you think. As a creationism savant would say, if looking at mirror raises any doubts about God’s smartness, look at other things he has made. (My version is, “WTH!! But still, if you want to know God’s smartness, tell me his cranial capacity”)

            But if you are one of those who believe that world is indeed going to end on December 21, 2012, I have a good news for you; some Mayan scholars believe the cycle ends on December 23, 2012. WOW!! Two more days to do Christmas shopping!! Yippee!! Oh! No Christmas that year!! SANTA!! PUHlease do something! And don’t forget to buy those official apocalypse T-shirts. YES, OFFICIAL T-shirts that say ,’2012 The End’. It’s a last stand effort to survive, so that when apocalypse arrives in any form it is welcomed by a crowd of people wearing similar T-shirts, reminding it that it is indeed 2012, and its time for end, and we are grateful to it! Maybe, the apocalypse will return back seeing us so happy about the whole thing.

            Regarding the form in which apocalypse is going to happen, there may be many theories ranging from great fire to great flood, but I have my own theories;

1)   Appendix, otherwise thought to be a vestigial organ of human beings will start enlarging and after blowing out the internal organs will envelop us all, and everybody’s enlarged appendix will then coalesce with each other forming one big galactic mass.

2)   Credit crunch will continue, economies will keep on going down, and lack of Christmas gifts will make people miserable, and people will kill each other.

3)   A slightly different version of last theory can be, Obama will fail to deliver on the promise of Hope and then all hopeless people will kill each other.

Something to do with Ramayana!

I am weird!

Ok! I know thats stale NEWS! But one more evidence of my craziness.

Ok! so yesterday i felt this urgent need to enact Ramayana in my room. The reason for this urge remains unknown but then I give in easily to my own whims. Since nobody else is that generous to my sudden whims and that too specially at 12.00 in night, I ended up enacting some of my favorite characters myself. Here is a list of all the characters that I did, before the final scene where I die as Ravana, fall on my bed and go to sleep.

Dasrath/Janaka/Any other of those kings with curly beard

I really really love when that bow breaks and the only way to enact surprise, happiness, angst and blah blah emotions is to move your head a bit away from camera in a sudden jerky fashion and then stroke your curly beard. I tried this a couple of times and then I twitched a neck muscle. Time to move down in generation.

Laxman
Wow! I love that character. I never wanted to be Rama but my dream role was to be laxman at that Ram Leela just behind the old railway station.
I though of couple of things to do for that role but ended up shouting “Sita matey! Sita matey!” and thats it.

Hanuman
Who does not want to be Hanuman. He could fly, he could lift mountains, he was smart, he could give political advice and he remained single. He was all superhero types! And then who does not love to make that monkey face by blowing air in your mouth so that your cheeks protrude out.

So I did that monkey face, lifted that heaviest pillow and then jumped from my table and shouted, “Jai Hanuman!”.

Angad
Now that’s something that you always want to achieve. Be so strong that nobody can lift your feet from ground howsoever hard they may try. Not even all the kings men, not even all the king’s horses…

Jambvant
I have always loved the Bear characters! I mean you always love a bear as long you are not in front of a bear wih just air in between you. So I set down on my futon with by black colored comforter all around me and then made those growling bear sounds.

And then all of a sudden, I broke into this song from Jungle book!

And then my final act for the day, Ravana, 10 headed monster, who was killed by an arrow in his navel. I fell down into my bed and then went to sleep.

Woke up today morning! and said this to myself, “Dude!, you are going crazy”

10+1 Ways to Remove Writer’s Block

1) Start your computer, open a new word document and keep on staring at the blank screen until your superman vision burns two holes in your computer screen.

2) Sleep as much as you can. After 1 month of hibernation, your brain itself would like to write something and you can actually write a book on sleeping then.

3) Take a walk and bang every other tree on your way with your head. This actually stimulates brain cells.

4)Hang upside down from your ceiling (like our very own spiderman style). This might pump more blood to your brain and may lead to more ideas popping up in your brain.

5)Marry* (will give you more tragic incidents to write on).

*Conditions apply

6)Stay 10 min. under water in your bath tub.

7)Buy a new pen/pencil (thats my favorite!!)

8)Attend a scientific lecture. Don’t forget to bring ur pen and notepad. I am pretty sure that you will get an idea every 2 min.

9) Remember your Mr. Boring/ Mr. Sleeping Pill ’s high school class (in which you framed most of your short stories/poems). There may still be ideas that occurred to you then and you never penned them down.

10)Read latest book in market written by famous politician. It will encourage you to write anything or everything as you see even crap sells

11) Get inspired by this post and try to write “101 or 1001 ways to remove writer’s block”

CAUTION: Potential side effects may include burnt computers, bumps on head, broken down trees, global warming, hallucinations of being spiderman, blah bah blah…